The Three Crosses

When Our Lord tells us to “take up your cross daily,” what does He mean? What do we, or what should we, mean when we say that something or someone is a “cross to bear”? I think each of us has three crosses, and I’d like to take a look at each.

First Cross: Circumstances

First, there is the cross that comes to us: the circumstances of life, the unforeseen blows, the day-to-day annoyances, the people around us. Those things that can make life seem unbearable at times. They can be as small as a co-worker who talks when you want to work, or as great as a child with special needs.

These come to us; they are not of our choosing or our making. That is something we need to keep in mind. The unfortunate things that we do to ourselves are not crosses; they are merely natural results. If I eat too much and exercise too little, my weight is not my cross; it is the result of intemperance. If I arrive late to work and shirk my duties, my unemployment is not my cross; it is simple justice. When we complain about something being a cross, we need to take a good look at ourselves and make sure we didn’t bring it about. In these situations, God is not saying, “Here’s a cross to bear,” He’s saying, “I told you so.”

But certain crosses do come to us; illnesses, accidents, the unfortunate path a loved one takes in his or her life despite our best efforts. They are hard to bear in large part because they are so (seemingly) random. You don’t get far in life without realizing much of it doesn’t make sense, at least from our point of view. And yet there you are. What do you do? I think the greatest leap to make, yet the most helpful is not to try to figure it out. We spend much time asking, “Where is God in all this?” We have to remember that we are the raw material that God, the master artist, is working on. The marble doesn’t ask the sculptor, “What’s happening?” It lets the sculptor chisel away. The wood doesn’t ask the carpenter, “What are you making of me?” It lets the carpenter hammer and cut. This is a different way of saying accept what is happening. Benedictines take the vow of stability; it’s their way of saying “God is not somewhere else.” He is here, in these circumstances.

So, deal with these circumstances; the present reality, the duty of the moment. Don’t waste time looking back at what could have been, or getting upset at what “should be.” Those situations don’t exist, and when you live in unreality, you’re in the devil’s territory. Regret, frustration, anger, resentment, and bitterness are all you can expect there, and it’s where many of us live. But God is not there.

Try as hard as you can to disregard the swirl of your emotions and ask, “What is God asking of me here and now, today?” Do that, and let God take care of the long run. This is not a call to passivity. “Take up” is a call to action. The cross is the difference between what we are and what we are called to be. It is a challenge to go against our usual way of doing and seeing things. For a parent, it can be a cross to confront a child you have been enabling. For an employee, it can be a cross to confront an employer about unjust business practices. For Catholics in our “tolerant” culture, it can be a cross to say to family, friends, and neighbors, “I don’t agree with that.”

We may never see the fruits of this in this life. That’s not our call, and it’s where faith comes in. There may be good that comes of it in this life, but God has the long view – Heaven – in mind. Our prayer – and prayer is the sine qua non of the issue – is “Lord, I’d like to know what’s going on, but I’ll leave that to You. For now, just tell me what to do.”

Second Cross: Neighbor

The second cross we bear is that of our neighbor. The plain fact of the matter is we are here to help others and a little looking around can show us that others have plenty on their plates. Whether it be simple patience with the overworked cashier at the checkout counter or a meal made for a friend caring for a sick child, the one prayer that always gets answered is the prayer asking to see how we can help others. It has the added benefit of making us forget our cross, if only for a moment. And so we pray, “Lord, help me to see the crosses others are carrying, and help me to help them.”

Third Cross: Ourselves

The third cross we have to bear is the cross we are to others. And make no mistake, in some way and to some people, we are a cross. It can be the most difficult cross because it is so natural, and because it is so natural we don’t see it and it’s hardest to correct. It is usually met with, “But that’s just the way I am.” “I just talk a little too much.” “I’m just a little messy.” “I just have a temper.” Be careful when you use the word “just” in explaining yourself because it usually means you’re trying to get away with something. Others should not have to do our work for us, have to repeatedly make allowances for our shortcomings, or have to walk on eggshells because of our moods.

Others have probably mentioned these things to us, but have given up from exasperation. They are often day-to-day things that we shrug off. They demand the most surveillance because they are part of our temperament. That’s the point. This is where God is getting under our skin. We may hate this cross the most because it is part of our very self. Because it is part of our nature, we shall probably never, in this life, conquer it. So be it. We must leave the victory to God; we must take up the fight ourselves. So the third prayer we make each day is, “Help me to see the cross I am to others, and to carry it so others don’t have to.”

Finally, remember that when our Lord carried His cross, He met His mother on the way. She is there for us as well. Because she is our loving mother, we end our prayer, “Mary, help me.”