Infants, Toddlers, Little Tikes. They All Cry

If you’re a mom, like me. The slightest cry even in a crowded restaurant gets your attention. For most kids crying is normal. I try to remind myself that every time my 2-year-old cries. He’s still trying to figure out the best way to communicate. But each kid cries for different reasons. Today we are going to discuss and recognize those reasons, and how we can help our children when they cry.

Seven Reasons Why Kids Cry:

1)  I’m Tired (the over exhausted preschooler): After a long day of playing and running around, it’s common to hear “I’m tired”. Our body routinely releases adrenaline and cortisol to help kids keep up with those grueling ninja kicks and wind sprints

What can we do to help?

At this point it’s safe to say your child needs a nap or perhaps a rest. Or perhaps it’s time to start the dreaded “wind down,” where a child gets ready for bed. I typically do the three B’s. A bath, a brushing of the teeth and a few books before bed. This helps my child understand what’s coming next or what they can expect next (like falling asleep).

2)  I’m in Pain (help me!):  Well, we all undoubtedly understand this reaction. No one likes to be in pain, even adults like my husband still cry out for help, when he stubs his pinky toe. Ariana Anderson a PhD professor at UCLA even suggests, that we as parents can recognize a cry for help or even discern this cry over any other cry. A baby’s cry for help “tends to be louder and more intense with fewer breaths,” as opposed to a lower toned cry with short bursts.

What can we do to help?

Often affective is the simplest solution, a hug. A kiss on the wound or even just a rub on the back. Physical touch can release oxytocin — a powerful natural pain reliever. A cold compress can also aid and comfort your little one, when the wound is swollen or red.

3)  I’m Overwhelmed (I am uncomfortable): Children can be overwhelmed with may differently types of events. A visit to the doctor’s office, a birthday party with loud noises, a new daycare. In fact ten to thirty percent of people are more sensitive to sound, lights and commotion. Just because your child has this sensitivity and cries out, that doesn’t mean they have a “sensory disorder” says Jadzia Jagiellowicz, Ph.D. It just means they have a “natural difference in biology and personality."

What can we do to help?

Instead of quelling your kids’ tears, remind yourself that crying can be beneficial. Help them identify those feelings and fears. Acknowledging them, “You’re really upset, I’m here, I can help you.”

4)  I’m Hungry: This one I deal with most often. Is it just me or do kids never eat their food when it’s right in front of them? A full melt down usually follows, and in seconds my boy is screaming for food.

What can we do to help?

Remember kids generally eat every three to four hours. That’s three meals and at least two snacks a day, according to the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Without the proper fuel and nutrition, a child can struggle with thinking, learning and even processing emotional behaviors. I typically pack power bars, gold fish and fruit for those on-the-go moments. And when dinner is delayed, even though accidental, I try to serve them something that’s easy. Fast to prepare, something that I know they will eat, like chicken noodle soup. Also, don’t be hesitant to offer your kids a snacks before meal time, you don’t want the situation to  escalate or increase their frustration.

5)  I’m Scared: Being afraid is normal. According to a North Western University Study, that they did on understanding fear, “Fear is our survival response.” The moment your body recognizes fear “your amygdala organ goes to work” alerting your entire body. Even changing blood flow away from your heart, making it easier to run away or even throw punches.  Remember, around three a child’s imagination blossoms, inducing fears that seem irrational like the boogie man hiding in the dark.

What can we do to help?

Empathize and tell your little one that their fear is reasonable. Explain that you can help minimize their fear and encourage them to face their fear; of course, with your help and protection.

6)  I’m Mad at You: I’ve heard this one before. When a toddler or preschooler yells and cries, it’s often out of frustration. Their rage, a direct correlation that someone has blocked their path or they didn’t get what they want. Even some adults cry when they are frustrated. Don’t expect a child who’s under the age of nine to master their emotional control any time soon.

What can we do to help?

Share your own frustrations, it’s okay to say “I’m mad, or I’m upset.” Help your kids recognize their own emotions and have empathy when they voice theirs. Often, they just want to be heard and typically if you knowledge their emotions that should quall their tears.

7)  They Feel Guilty: Around age three toddlers start to recognize that they hurt someone or that they have done something wrong. Crying is a true sign or remorse so acknowledge it.

What can we do to help?

I like to teach my boys to make amends, so they can move past being upset. That often stops the tears. It’s hard to talk it out when their crying. Tell them to take a deep breathe, this will allow them the ability to rest, and for them to tell you what happened. You can also ask them for solutions. How can we make the other person you hurt feel better?