Demotivators

Editor's Notes

1. The notes that follow suggest which Demotivator ® is perfect for whom
2. - China - China - and of course China - Disaffected college students
3. - Survivor types - Dorks who quote Nietzsche - Disaffected college students
4. - Boxing enthusiasts - Dr. Zachary Smith - "No pain, no gain" disciples - Reconstructive surgeons - Disaffected college students
5. - Narcissists - Salmon with delusions of grandeur - Disaffected college students
6. - Customer Service employees - Sole proprietors with attitude - Despised customers - Utterly broken sales managers - Disaffected college students
7. - The Hubristic CEO who started your dot com. - The Venture Partner who made him feel small. - The Investment Banker who made her feel objectified. - The Class-Action Lawyer who's making them all feel the squeeze - Disaffected college students
8. - The Beautiful People - Disaffected college students who became that way by listening to too much Marilyn Manson in junior high - A certain one-time peroxide blonde who completely led on the author of this particular Demotivator during his senior year of high school in 1989 - The author of this Demotivator, for being so utterly shallow that he let an obnoxious hot chick totally play him for a fool 16 years ago, and would again, if she would JUST CALL ME.... KATIE, IF YOU READ THIS, PICK UP THE PHONE AND DIAL ME. FOR REAL. I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU IF DON'T MAKE THE FIRST STEP. xo, J.B.
9. - Burned-out entrepreneurs - Idealists (once they stop deluding themselves) - Critics who make a career out of eviscerating artists - Artists who endeavor to create despite critical evisceration - Disaffected college students
10. - The unfairly scapegoated little people - The unfortunately unaccountable big people - Medium sized people who appreciate the plight of the little people but report to the big people and can't get involved - Disaffected college students
11. - Sending a subtle signal to the group malcontent who always seems to bring down your enthusiastic team - Sending a subtle signal to your happy-go-lucky coworkers who don't just don't understand how tiresome and grating their rah-rah talk has become - Disaffected college students
12. - Sisyphus - Joe Simpson (no, not that one you shallow pop-culture addicted cretin) - Stacy Allison - Disaffected college students
13. - Tornado chasers (you know who you are) - Garth - Mercurial meterologists - Disaffected, price-sensitive college students
14. - Technical support employees - Hmmmm ... - Dimwits who write us asking, "Are you really suing people for trademark violation ? - Disaffected college students
15. - Ensuring You get the last word - Hostage Negotiators - Disaffected college students
16. - Non-conformists - Conformists who want to be like them - Lemmings - Borg - Customers of Future Power - Disaffected college fraternity / sorority pledges
17. - Baldrick - Diminuitive archers - Dane Cook - Disaffected College Students
18. - O h, n o b o d y - (...oh please someone make it stop...) - Disaffected, unrecruited MBA students
19. - The walls of just about any "Just Brakes". - Lowering customer expectations - Disaffected College Students interning in the Despair Call Center
20. - The Call Center - The Front Desk - Well, Us Obviously! - Disaffected college students
21. - The whole lazy lot of you - Ineffective, inefficient, indispensible bureaucracies - Disaffected college students
22. - Masochistic high-school athletic coaches - Freaks and Geeks - 23 out of 24 people - Disaffected college students
23. - Silicon Valley Journalists - Craig Winn - Icarus - Disaffected college students
24. - Jack Welch - Executives concerned by the Demotivators® lithographs popping up inside their own corporation - Fans of meta-commentaries - Fans of gratuitous product placement - Disaffected college students
25. - Unrelenting optimists - Achluophobics - The bazillion people who emailed us asking to see this canonical quote in a Demotivator design - Disaffected college students
26. - Spicing up your next anniversary celebration with that certain special illiterate someone - Hastening the demise of that once vibrant relationship with the joyless body-snatcher that first stole your heart but now seems content to only steal your time and money - Steve Poltz - Disaffected college students
27. - Dramatically improving the performance statistics of employees in domestic call centers - Disaffected college graduates
28. - Understanding the rationale of your superiors - Brutus and Cassius - The cast of "Survivor" - Disaffected college students
29. - Customer care employees - The ticketing agent at your favorite airline - Customers seeking to understand the rationale behind miserable service companies - Disaffected college students
30. - Type-A Procrastinators - Disaffected college students
31. - Microsoft (Post-Google) - Mountain climbers - Nikolai Tesla, Edwin Armstrong, and other Despair Patron Saints - Disaffected college students
32. - John Gray acolytes - Rose (See The Art of Demotivation ) - Distilling most 12-step programs into one very pungent epiphany - Bringing closure. But with a slam - Those seeking to dump someone who can't bring themselves to say, "It's not you, it's me" because oh man, it's him (or her), and it's time he (or she) heard it - Disaffected college students
33. - Uhhhhhh ... - Dr. E.L. Kersten's antipode, Ms. Corinne Maier - Etudiants malheureux d'universite - Andreas Forster
34. - Those who find that Arrogance isn't smug enough. - Anyone burdened with being inherently superior to the rest of us. - Disaffected college students
35. - The less than perfect - Disaffected college students
36. - Those torn between mistakes and problems - Disaffected college students
37. - Letting the boss know that you stand behind him all the way, one-hundred percent - Humiliating the office sycophant - Disaffected college students
38. - Golf enthusiasts - Qoheleth - Born losers - The risk-averse - Disaffected college students
39. - Increasing productivity while decreasing morale - Fraulein Judith Mair - Disaffected college coxswains
40. - Cat Lovers - Cat Haters - Animal Rights Activists - S.P.C.A. employees - Disaffected college students
41. - Steve Jobs, Jim Barksdale and anyone else who has had his arse handed to him by Bill Gates in the marketplace - Rob Glaser, Bill Gates and anyone else who has had his arse handed to him by Steve Jobs in the digital music marketplace - Overly domineering soccer moms - Disaffected middle school students
42. - Those who know futility isn't funny - Jean Van de Velde - All who are not Tiger Woods - Disaffected college students
43. - Circling Vultures - Corporate Raiders & Asset Strippers - Parsis visitors to the Towers of Silence - Frederick J. Beste III - Hopefully not you. ( There are less dignified ways to go than to be torn apart by a kettle of vultures, but this certainly isn't an end that any of us would choose. Plus, by the time you'd realize that this design really was perfect for you, it'd be very difficult for you to get to the Internet and place an order, and even more difficult for us to find you and take your order, and in any event, if you're in the process of being torn apart by scavenging birds, probably the last thing in the world you'd want to buy would be a poster which commemorated that, although if you do have a particularly harsh sense of humor, a valid credit card, and a cellphone at such a time as this, please don't hesitate to call us, as a discount can probably be arranged, and we do have rush-shipping options available.) - Disaffected college students
44. - The Enthusiastically Inept - Dreamers - Outbound telemarketers - Those with more ambition than talent - Disaffected college students
45. - Idiots - Cynical skydivers - Aeroacrophobics - George Carlin acolytes - Disoriented Palm Beach voters - Disaffected college students
46. - Dotcom outfits with exponentially more dollars than brains - Making sense of the strange calm that has settled over your group - Incompetent coxswains - Preserving the status quo - Disaffected college students
47. - Central Services - That nimrod you were just complaining about at the water cooler the other day - Those who confuse effort with results - Inept shop teachers - Disaffected college students
48. - Daktari. - Lawrence Bourne III. - The hundreds of you 2002 calendar owners who complained that this design wasn't available in any other format . - Disaffected college students. For real this time.
49. - Dolly . - Identical twins who are eager to let singletons know how it feels to not really have a unique identity. - Identical triplets who are eager to let twins know that they don't know the HALF of it.... - (And so on and so forth.) - Disaffected college students
50. - Those who love skiing alot more than it loves them - The soon to be humiliated - Disaffected college students
51. - BASE jumpers - Dennis Hopper characters - Mountain Dew addicts - Making sense of the voices - Disaffected college students
52. - Your average rank -and-file engineer - Passive-aggressive roommates of disaffected engineering students who reek
53. - Putting the little people in their place. - Letting the big people know you're glad to be put there, and you're not going anywhere without their approval. - Disaffected college veterinarian students
54. - Individual investors, who blame... - The business press and CNBC, who blame... - Wall-Street analysts and research firms, who blame... - Investment bankers and underwriters, who blame... - Venture capitalists, who blame... - Entrepreneurs, who blame pretty much anyone but themselves - Disaffected college students
55. - Exhausted TQM adherents - Slackers - Unpersistent runners - Fans of the color yellow - Disaffected college students
56. - Disaffected college students
57. - Amusing good natured Linux users. - Motivating hypercompetitive Microsoft programmers who are under express orders from Gates to "Dismantle Linux." - Disaffected college students.
58. - Eleanor Rigby - One - A disaffected college student
59. - This being the worst-selling design in our entire collection, apparently it's not perfect for anybody - Disaffected college students? Please?
60. - Any of your other personalities - Disaffected college students
61. - Mediocre architects - Mechanical/Civil Engineers - Quality assurance personnel - Disaffected college students
62. - Groupthinkers - Committees - Bureaucrats - Disaffected college students
63. - Surfing instructors - The unlucky - Disaffected college students
64. - Morale building - Cautionary tales . - Boating enthusiasts - Disaffected college students
65. - The ever dwindling population of the manufacturing sector. - Beautifying your Union Hall - Attendees of Dr. Kersten's Keynote address at Lab Automation 2006 - Disaffected college students
66. - Any business with "& Sons" in the name - Those who know the joy of related-party transactions - Alexis Stewart - Disaffected college students on campuses with buildings named for their parents.
67. - Those who beat the odds - Those who are beaten by the odds, severely - Physically belligerent Oddfellows who beat each other - Disaffected college students
68. - The loser who wrote Beauty - Disaffected college students
69. - Pessimists - Realists - Cautious meteorologists - Disaffected college students
70. - Project managers - Disaffected college students
71. - José Canseco - The Citizens of Rapture - Bonds. Barry Bonds. - Disaffected college students
72. - The Johnson Space Center Childcare Center Cafeteria - Disaffected Junior College Rejects
73. - Anyone rich from their work at ENRON - The Shadow Government - Disaffected College Students
74. - Following Laura - Disaffected college students, particularly those who majored in something they hate to appease impossible-to-please parents but who then end up discovering the jobs they are actually qualified for are all moving to the 3rd world , forcing them to end up taking a low-level marketing position at the world's leading purveyor of Demotivational™ goods. Thanks Mom, Dad... You happy now? Me too... Just so very, very happy.
75. - Neil Peart - Objectivists - Chris Hassett , circa 1997 - Anyone of the poor saps here who give "Tales from Topographic Oceans" a higher-than-one-star-rating - Disaffected college students
76. - Internal-combustion-engine-driven economies - The Kings of this World - Disaffected college students
77. - Procrastinators - Underachievers - Mountain climbers, especially those who like to wear sweaters and short-shorts - Lazy people - Disaffected college students
78. - The Chinese - And Russians - And Iranians - Really, it's perfect for everybody but Americans. Because we don't do that here. - Disaffected college students
79. - Those going in Quality Circles - The Resistor , before his ignominious defeat at the hands of the Eagles - Disaffected college students
80. - Inexperienced snowboarders who base their assumptions about the basic laws of physics on their experiences playing SSX - Disaffected college students
81. - HR directors looking to strike "gold watch" from the budget - The Go(ing) Away party - Fred Jones - Disaffected college... er, nevermind.
82. - All who dare to try... and fail. - Disaffected college students
83. - Pawns, human and otherwise - Parents, especially of: - Disaffected college students
84. - Mixtli-Dark Cloud - José Suárez - Disaffected college students
85. - Dysfunctional codependent enablers - Disaffected college students
86. - Winners - Quitters - That whiner who always complains about his job but just can't bring himself to leave it because he's holding out hope things will somehow turn out right in the end. (It doesn't, trust us.) - Disaffected college students
87. - Creating a 'winter' collection - Disaffected college students
88. - Adventuresome Spaniards - Condescending Americans - Ernest Hemingway - Grammar Nazis who think this is a double-negative, when it's really a litotes . (If you write us snotty emails about how you'd love to buy this design if only it were grammatically correct, we will hunt you down and pummel your noggin so hard with "Elements of Style" that you will no longer be able to form complete sentences.) - Anybody but the bulls , really - Disaffected college students with death wishes
89. - Vegans - Gazelles - Compulsive gamblers - The 7 million we're hunting down - Ted Nugent - Disaffected college students
90. - David Lightman - Those who know when to lie low - Ng, the guy we fired for CREATING this piece! - Disaffected college dropouts
91. - Jiminy Cricket - Our friends at NEO - Michael Bay - Betty Rubble - Disaffected college students
92. - Those who can't afford the Art of Demotivation but who want to participate in the forthcoming Executive revolution in their own (albeit cheap) way. - The Tramp - Preparing disaffected college students for disaffected wage enslavement