Take one former model and stir in a tablespoon of Cath Kidston prints with a soupçon of culinary knowhow. Add laptop and simmer gently. Season with lolz to taste. Hey presto, Sophie Dahl (@sophiedahl), we have your perfect Twitter account.
It's such a simple recipe. But you had misgivings from the start: "I'm not sure I really get Twitter. I know it's meant to be throwaway and fun but it just makes me feel anxious." Although you seem to be enjoying Twitter more these days, you could use a few gentle pointers. Please pay attention, Miss Dahl – let's make this account of yours delicious.
Toughen up
If you want to succeed on Twitter then you need a much thicker skin. Populated by the opinionated, cyberspace is no place for the faint of heart. Quit boo-hooing about unanswered tweets ("Unless initiated by them, I am no longer going to say public hello's to people on Twitter. If they don't say hello back, I then feel like a total loser. It's all burningly teenage, no?!") or people being mean ("Still not very good at detaching from the casual vitriol of strangers on the internet. It makes me depressed."). Grow a pair, Miss Dahl.
Never be lonely
Being married to a musician can be a lonely business ("Summer festival season. I miss my husband so much it actually hurts. Think I will start a club for pining spouses.") but Twitter can be a great help on those difficult nights. You have access to millions of tweeters who will happily clack on with you for hours. You could be sharing fashion tips with Masterchef's Gregg Wallace ("@GreggAWallace: I quite like this blustery grey London. It's supposed to be like this. Jack The Ripper is never in a T-shirt") or sharing foody anecdotes with Kim Kardashian "@KimKardashian: Ate a bite of a salad & an olive was in it. I liked it but scares me bc I hate olives! Hope my taste isn't changing, I don't wanna like olives." Don't be blue – get chatting.
Don't give up
The most important Twitter advice I can give you is to persevere. When you found Twitter difficult back in 2009, you left for two whole years, returning only this June. I know you are made of sterner stuff than this. You shared a flat with Toby Young (@toadmeister) for a start.. Enough apologising for absenteeism ("I realise I have been absentee, all the news has just been so sad I haven't really known what to say. X"). Keep getting stuck in.
Lots of love,
@scouserachel