How to Admit to a Foot Fetish

Co-authored by Shelby Devlin, MA

Last Updated: April 26, 2024 Approved

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Don't be embarrassed about having a thing for your partner's sexy, alluring feet.^{[1]
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Research source} There's a way to tell your special someone about your foot fetish without causing a sensation. If you want to know how to fess up about your love for feet, just follow these easy steps.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Laying the Groundwork

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Don't fess up right away. If you want your partner to be okay with your foot fetish, then the worst thing you can do is blurt it out right away. If you're just in the middle of your first date, or even kissing for the first time, saying, "I have a foot fetish!" is likely to turn your night in the wrong direction. If you want to tell your partner about your foot fetish and get the best results, then you have to wait for the perfect time -- when you know each other a little better.^{[2]
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- Ideally, you should wait until you have a sexual experience before you discuss your foot fetish. Otherwise, it may be too much, too soon.
- On the other hand, you don't want to wait too long -- if you walk down the aisle before admitting your lifelong obsession with feet, then you may run in to some serious trouble.
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Start touching your partner's feet when you're ready. Once you've gotten more comfortable with your partner, it's time to test the waters. If you've found yourself in bed are in various degrees of undress, you can try kissing your partner's stomach, legs, and then move your way down to the feet. Don't go straight for the feet or you may freak your partner out. You can also just start touching your partner's feet if you're watching TV and you want to give them a sexy foot massage.
- Don't start licking or sucking on your partner's feet yet -- this may be too much too soon as well.
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See how they react. How does your other half react when you go for the feet? Do hear murmurs of approval, the occasional, "Oh, that feels good," and see a nice relaxed smile on their face? If so, then things are moving in the right direction. If your partner pulls away, or even outright says they don't like it when you touch their feet, then it's time to abort the mission.
- If your partner reacts negatively, don't be discouraged. You may still be able to turn things around. However, this does mean that you shouldn't go for the feet again until you have the big talk.
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If your partner reacts positively, compliment their feet. Don't go overboard -- just say, "You have such sexy feet," or "I just love your feet." Don't make it sound like a fetish yet -- just tell your partner that they specifically have amazing feet. This will make it easier for your partner to swallow the news than if you flat-out stated that you categorically love all feet before paying special attention to your partner's feet.
- Additionally, if you're a guy, and really feel like you need to mention their feet, you can compliment her about it when you're having a night out. You can say, "Your feet look great in those shoes." But don't overdo it, or little will they know, you have a foot fetish and think you only like them for their feet.

Part 2

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Admitting to Your Foot Fetish

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1
Pick the right time to do it. When is the right time to admit to a foot fetish? There's no golden rule, but you probably should not do it in the middle of a hook-up. Instead, pick a time when you and your special someone are hanging out and feeling good about each other -- while having some privacy. You can tell your partner when you're back at your place and you think you may be close to being intimate again.^{[3]
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- Fessing up in the middle of hooking up or cuddling may give you a reaction you may not be ready for, and can interrupt the mood (though, not ruin it for good!).
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Focus on the pleasure of getting what you want. We are social creatures and pick up cues from the people around us, and our emotions are contagious—so, if you approach your partner with anxiety, they will also feel anxious. Instead, fantasize about how good it will feel when your partner says "yes" to your request.
- It's much better to imagine your partner's positive response rather than imagining a poor reaction from them.
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Share your fetish with excitement. Be honest. Just say, "Hey, I have a thing for feet." Or, "I want you to know that I have a foot fetish." Let them feel your excitement and ease—it will help them accept your desires because they'll feel more comfortable.
- If you hear nothing, you can ask, "What do you think?" But generally, it's a good idea to give your partner some time to process the news.
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React appropriately to your partner's feelings. There are a few ways that this news can be taken. The best case scenario is if your partner says, "Really? That's kinky. I don't mind at all!" However, it's more likely that your partner will want more information or won't quite know how to react. The worst-case scenario is if your partner is completely not accepting of your fetish and thinks that feet are completely gross. You've said your piece, though, and now it's time to be mature and to deal with your partner's reaction in a calm and adult fashion. Whatever happens, you should be proud of yourself for being honest.
- If your partner accepts your foot fetish on the spot, great. Prepare for a night of kinky fun.
- If your partner needs some time to deal with it, take things slow. Don't try to touch their feet too much during your next kissing session -- wait for your partner to give you the green light.^{[4]
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- If your partner is just flat-out not into it, then there's no need to not try to force it. After all life is short and you have a foot fetish. Now, it's up to you to decide if you can handle a relationship that doesn't allow you to indulge your foot fetish. There is also a chance that over time they will warm up to it and become curious after a while.^{[5]
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- It's pretty common for partners not to have completely matched desires. In the case of a foot fetish, start by having a conversation where you say "This is why I like this. These are the fantasies that I have and these are the things I actually want to do." Then, your partner can cherry-pick from the menu of activities and let you know what they're comfortable with.

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What do you do when your needs aren't met in a relationship?

Shelby Devlin, MA
Sex & Intimacy Coach
Shelby Devlin is a Sex & Intimacy Coach based in San Francisco, California. She has over 7 years of experience guiding individuals and couples in deepening their capacity for intimacy and pleasure. Shelby specializes in BDSM therapy, D/s, and fetish exploration. She earned an MA in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University and is certified in the Somatic Method, an experiential therapy modality. Shelby is also a certified massage therapist (CMT) and an associate practitioner of Ortho bionomy. She has a 5-star coaching rating.

Shelby Devlin, MA

Sex & Intimacy Coach

Expert Answer

If it's the case of a partner not being able to satisfy your foot fetish, try looking for unconventional ways to get your needs met. Some people get that through coaching or engaging with a professional dog, while other people can feel fulfilled by getting a foot massage or by reading dirty stories.

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Question

Can a relationship work if you have different interests?

Shelby Devlin, MA
Sex & Intimacy Coach
Shelby Devlin is a Sex & Intimacy Coach based in San Francisco, California. She has over 7 years of experience guiding individuals and couples in deepening their capacity for intimacy and pleasure. Shelby specializes in BDSM therapy, D/s, and fetish exploration. She earned an MA in Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University and is certified in the Somatic Method, an experiential therapy modality. Shelby is also a certified massage therapist (CMT) and an associate practitioner of Ortho bionomy. She has a 5-star coaching rating.

Shelby Devlin, MA

Sex & Intimacy Coach

Expert Answer

Definitely—it's actually pretty common for partners to not have completely matched interests. In the case of a foot fetish, start the conversation by saying "This is why I like this. These are the fantasies that I have and these are the things I actually want to do." Then, the partner who isn't a fan of the fetish can cherry-pick from a menu of activities what they're comfortable with.

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Question

If a girl agrees to engage in my fetish with me but prefers to use socks, should I tell her I like barefoot better?

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I would try it out with socks first and then work up to telling her that you like barefoot better. Let her get comfortable first.

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Try offering a foot massage after they have a long day at work or school.

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As soon as they are back at your apartment/house, don't just rip off her shoes and start having your way with her feet. This in most cases will result in problems.

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If they like to use nail polish, tell them that they should try a certain color, or a certain color would look good on their feet. This one works like a charm. Later on they will notice you always look at them and start to question.

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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.

Try giving your partner a slow and sensual foot massage. Rub their feet so that they'll feel more comfortable when you kiss/lick them. But try not to get too exited and do not let them use you just for the fun of massages.
Some women flat out don't like having their toes sucked. Don't push it. Ask if you can message or tickle her feet instead. I have a foot fetish but I would never take liberties without consent.
As you take your lover's shoes and socks off for sex, compliment their feet and focus slightly more on their feet so it becomes suggestive.

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Warnings

Your partner may see an advantage to this, and start forcing you to smell/lick/kiss their feet for long amounts of time.

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Don't try to fight your desires—if you have a fetish, it's not going anywhere. Repressing your desires just creates a lot of internal pressure that eventually explodes in a negative way, like depressed or anxious feelings (or even your sexuality shutting down completely).

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